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Any contributions cjat this collection welcome - me! How many men does it take to wallpaper a room? It depends how thinly you slice them. What is the difference between men and women? A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

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The woman.

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What happened to the man who put odour-eaters in his shoes? His wife is good at picking out clothes.

He's breathing. A hot-dog and a six-pack of beer. What's a man's idea of a perfect woman? The man. Lifting his legs so you can vacuum underneath. How do you know when a man's had an orgasm?

Hormone replacement therapy (HRT)

A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need. It's not hard.

When he's a baby. How many men does it take to replace the toilet roll? When you are in the lavatory and the plane hits turbulence.

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Why do most men have a beer belly? Why are men like toilets?

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If you lay them right the first time, you forhms walk all over them the rest of your life. Her: I would, but you're never there.

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What's the difference between a man and E. They don't stop and ask for directions.

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So they'll have someone to talk to. Why do men like BMWs? They only know one four-letter word beginning with F.

So they can look up their skirts. What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelit dinner?

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What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called? What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? Divorce him.

So that his best friend has a roof over his head. What's the difference between a man's wife and his girlfriend? How can you tell a man is thinking about sex?

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They satisfy you, but only for a little while. Bonds mature. How do you stop a man getting into your home?

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One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while the other is just having a baby. To knock the penises off the smart ones.

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What's a man's idea of safe sex? To knock the penises off the smart ones. Before marriage, and after marriage. What's the difference between government bonds and men?

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What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?