By Griffin Wynne Aug. Perhaps the second-best feeling to an actual orgasm is someone making you laugh so hard you think you're going to pee.

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Are you still on your parents' phone bill? When You Are Into It Nic Cage picks for his dick pics.

You really should ask before you sext me, I just had my screen shared on a Zoom meeting. Would you like me to show my partner this text? I don't fuhny great WiFi, but I'm feeling our connection. This line is busy. If we're being open and honest about our sexual needs, I need you to stop sexting me unprompted, in the middle of the day.

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Can't respond, getting a manicure! I just ed up to the local convent.

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How long is this going to take? We're closed.

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When I gave you myI didn't think you were going to sext me. Beep, beep. Blow their minds and their pants off with some sweet obscure and dirty jokes about their favorite movie. Oh, so they say they like a girl who has a dark side?

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You know, I was expecting a message from my dermatologist, but this is much better. Nothing turns me on more than laughing. Sfxting just missed your window! They say life is full of disappointment.

When You Are Into It

Do you have someone else you could reach out to? I didn't realize you were such a poet. Hey, they asked funjy it, right? Oh, is this what the kids call "sexting? I'll start. I was just about to sext you!

Bust out this sensual and watch them melt. Stay on the line, and we can schedule you shortly. Let's play the quiet game. Here are 13 ideas to get your naughty lady brains started.

Nobody wants to receive a line form 50 Shades Of Grey while they're screen-sharing at work or taking a selfie with their tunny at brunch. Yeah, unleash the beast. I'd ask you what you're wearing, but I'd rather picture you naked.

2. When In Doubt, Make It Weird

Even if it's just to break the ice before you get into the the really freaky stuff, having something naughty but witty sesting great way to get the ball rolling. Perhaps the second-best feeling to an actual orgasm is someone making you laugh so hard you think you're going to pee. But like, a literal beast. More like this.

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Lean in. Oh wait, no, I had that backwards. If you wanted to send nudes, I wouldn't be opposed.

If you're hit with an unpromoted sexthere are 50 witty ways to reply. My horoscope said today would have unsuspecting challenges. You're the Shakespeare of sexting.

1. Offer Them A Sexy Trade

Waiting for Ashton Kutcher to tell me I'm getting Punk'd. I love it when you text dirty to me.

Not Sure What To Say? Actually, don't.

Verify your identity

This is why STEM education is important, folks! All that water. Thankfully we now have little cartoons to properly express our true desires. Wow, wow, wow, buy me dinner first.